Your efforts are lacking,M'lady

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.

Things are changing for me, change is kinda sad and scary and exciting all at once. For the most part, I truly feel as though I do not dwell in the real world. Because of my imagination I see things as if it where an anime, for the most part. My future plays out as any 15, 16 year old anime character would have it. Excluding, Giant robots, Magical Girls and insanely strong demons and angels. Things like Pokemon, epic battles, theme songs, talking pets, cyborgs, dramatic entries and exit are all capable of existing in my world. As if I wish to see no other way. I see the boy of my dreams, being crazy over me, when there's nothing to gain from it. I see me farming my own little Mary land of small children calling me teacher or sensei for that matter. I see many colors, cute clothes and food daily. That's just how I am I guess. Is it something I'm proud of? Sometimes... Of course on other days I wish I could be more serious, then maybe I would be taken more seriously. I am content for now. I have a job, or two or three. I have a car, a family. I am capable of working out, eating out and getting my hair maintenance. I try hard to take care of myself because I want to be dependable and useful.

Lately however, I have dug a small grave for myself. I wish I were more independent for there's a constant level of closeness that I really need from the person I love. If I were stronger I wouldn't feel so ruined knowing that I can't count on that affection when I need it.
What are my choices? What do I believe that I deserve in this life? Where can I accept sacrifice, and where can I not?
Ba da bum bum bum ..bum.

So CCBC still has some unfinished business with me. I will end up back in it's clutches Spring semester. That's the plan for now at least. I want more than a repeat of last semester. It'll be harder, I know. But I must change my thought process for this, maybe in advance. I'll have to definitely quit a job and dry out another because I need time to focus, and study!
I still wanna be a teacher right? (right?) Math, Art, and what ever else follows behind those to subjects need as much attention as I wish I had on call.
I still have time to work things out though. The holidays are coming up &... (deja vu)
....

अलविदा