I may not be different, but I'm definitely not the same.
The other night I was not thinking clearly.... The world sucked and I felt hate. However, I'd like to believe that things have changed. Life can be so random. Instead of shutting down and drowning in my thoughts I got more feedback on what I was going through, I exposed this painful bitter seed inside of me and figured out a way to decrease it's burning effects.
I love myself too much to want to end my life.
I love myself for each and every choice I make. I love hearing myself laugh and sweet talk over the phone. I love the moments I feel alive.
Over a course of 24 hours I ate a nice warm meal with nothing but good music surrounding me, I sat for hours enjoying a newly purchased book, I ran away from and fought off an adventurous mouse, I really heard what Lystra had to say, I really heard what Andy had to say, I repeated over and over again that I wanted nothing more than a strong heart (un corazon fuerte), I got down on my hands and knees and cried out loud, I let myself be weak as I wanted, I cried until my pillow needed to be flipped over to the other side -I spoke aloud how much I wanted to unlock new doors deep inside me, I wrote angry letters never to be seen by anyone else..., I fell in and out of love then right back in, I forgave myself, I forgave him, I sleep well, I took a long hot shower, I called the job I planned on working for next and got an interview set up, just like that.& just like that, breathing became easy. I took control.
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