It gets better

I believe with all my heart that no matter what is uncomfortable, what doesn't seem right, what hurts right now. Things always, always have a way of turning around - of getting better.
Drowning in sadness only happens once you've decided that you are not good enough to deserve the best.
My emotions at the moment have the best of me. There is no denying that these past few days have really made me question my moral.
At times I can catch myself sneaking around the backdoor to pick up yet another bitter, worry seed. It's painful to watch but I know that If I don't confront her soon she will eventually get too sick and I'll need to step in again anyway.
These seeds are silent and yet so powerful. The first thing they alter is the most important. My memory. I forget that I am special, that I am me, that's all I can be and that I should be capable of saying that with pride. No one else can be me er than me. I yet I forget that and wish that I could be over there somewhere.
This world is mine. I am important thus my life is not a waste.

Yo quiero un corazón fuerte

I may not be different, but I'm definitely not the same.

The other night I was not thinking clearly.... The world sucked and I felt hate. However, I'd like to believe that things have changed. Life can be so random. Instead of shutting down and drowning in my thoughts I got more feedback on what I was going through, I exposed this painful bitter seed inside of me and figured out a way to decrease it's burning effects.
I love myself too much to want to end my life.
I love myself for each and every choice I make. I love hearing myself laugh and sweet talk over the phone. I love the moments I feel alive.
Over a course of 24 hours I ate a nice warm meal with nothing but good music surrounding me, I sat for hours enjoying a newly purchased book, I ran away from and fought off an adventurous mouse, I really heard what Lystra had to say, I really heard what Andy had to say, I repeated over and over again that I wanted nothing more than a strong heart (un corazon fuerte), I got down on my hands and knees and cried out loud, I let myself be weak as I wanted, I cried until my pillow needed to be flipped over to the other side -I spoke aloud how much I wanted to unlock new doors deep inside me, I wrote angry letters never to be seen by anyone else..., I fell in and out of love then right back in, I forgave myself, I forgave him, I sleep well, I took a long hot shower, I called the job I planned on working for next and got an interview set up, just like that.& just like that, breathing became easy. I took control.