HIV Negative

"I too am alone. It's sad being alone. It's painful. I felt that way too.
But if we're together, at times we may hurt each other, and we may even part.
But, that is not the end. I'll always be with you."

Good Evening. I'm currently watching Super Size Me for the first time, the documentary about the (McDonalds) food industry. It makes my stomach hurt more than it already does. Yesterday to this very moment have been .... a little out of the ordinary. & by that I guess I mean, it hasn't been as chill as normal.
I lost interest in all the lover scandals floating around, it is what it is.
Partially because now more than ever I'm really starting to hate the whole idea, of love that is. I realize that I'm still young,but I get upset when I sit and think about how I can't get it right.
I haven't had enough experience, I'm sure but right now I'm blinded by failure. I'll pick myself up soon I'm sure but at this point, I want only to withdrawal certain emotions. Not out of fear but self preservation (is that still fear?) I mean, I want to ... but on my terms & that isn't possible as made clear a few hours back.
I feel sick and I'm making myself sick. Change my habits... I feel that's what my heart needs of me right now. As for my brain.. it seems as though my brain is to blame for my desires to stay connected. I don't want to fade, just a memory to those I saw in my future. I want to be myself and yet still get noticed, fought for, encouraged.
I don't give enough for that wish to come true yet. I am not intimate, I am not truly flirtatious. Young, naive, and misunderstood.