*Just for grins

You are still beauty [noun] to me & just because I don't see what you see - nor understand how; doesn't make you any less.

[Never forget the things that once made you smile.]

I guess this is just my rant of the night. Although, having these thoughts on my mind in the first place isn't really beneficial to my desired change on scenery...
I'm feeling a little blue. In a matter of a week I've heard more than enough cynical remarks made by Ron. All of which; I do not doubt where truly spoken [I obviously proved him right again, who can blame him?]& at the same time; I wish these feelings weren't so true.
It's dazzling how we people are. We wake up in America, roll out of bed in Baltimore and yet when we leave out the front door enter completely individualized worlds. we are capable of sitting side by side in a car and yet going in two totally different directions. I can't help but to smile.

Smile & cry at this utter resentment.
I brought this upon myself.
I felt so helpful, so friendly, so open, so willing, so aloof in my own selfish goals to crack the code, to expose this potential I just knew lie waiting, to be loved and praised. I saw it all in my head! I was wrong, so so so wrong, it [reality] doesn't bend to our request without genuine sacrifice. & even then, things can get a little ehh...
I was wrong in ways I did not see, I did not wish to see. By doing only what I knew how to do - I really didn't do much now did I?
I had no idea that by acting in this shortsighted way I became incapable of truly dealing with issues that were over my head, I mustv'e missed all the signs. [You can't bullshit a bullshitter ] Maybe I was infact the worst friend he had. What he needed and what he had..just weren't the same to me. Maybe I was no friend at all. Deep down I was too busy worrying about what I was going to gain, & trying not to step on any toes. I had my attitude way out of line for this & I am sorry.

So tonight before I go to sleep I will again speak to myself, my core. I want to change.
This year for christmas I would like some authentic wisdom, spirituality, patience, courage, humility, & love....

What you get is what you give & vice versa