Hey Moon

Please forget to fall down. Hey Moon - don't you come down.
For now I'm just gazing at the moon- listening to silly rap tunes.

I really enjoy jazz now. At night.
I can't feel it the way I do at night. It takes me back to the 20's I believe. I'm slowly painting a mental picture. Long black dress, pink lips; she's sitting alone at a bar. Her drink has barely been touched and no one wants to walk up to her. Her smile can light up a room if only she would smile.
Anyway, I want a kiss, it can be anywhere. Lips, cheek, forehead, eyelids....It's just one thing among others that I miss and feel like could realistically happen.
I miss my dog, so much. I'm beginning to stress and simply stroking his hair and feeling that warm spot on my lap would help with some of this frigidness.

Adventure Time
Thursday night and Friday where the brightest of highlights I've experienced in while. I was so happy, I felt totally in the moment for the most of my day. My phone didn't exist, my social networks, my friends back in the county. I felt like I was on a much needed mini vacation with a very beautiful and strong lady that I am lucky to call my friend.
I think what I'll remember most about that day was the small garden lined with small candles and the children running around without a care in the world. Desspite the blatant racism event - everything worked like clockwork from dawn till dusk. I know I laughed hard as I sat in the passenger seat for once.

Today I woke up with a bang, literally. I nearly jumped out of bed when I heard the sound of something exploding, it was all in my head however. It felt so real. Apparently, to dream that you hear but do not see an explosion means that something is about to be exposed or come into conciseness.
Well -I sure hope so; I'm ready.
I went to work and found out on the spot that I was scheduled to work 8am to 3pm. I had casually walked in at 10; for the next 30 minutes or so felt incredibly unnerving. After work Jojo had made plans to go to the movies but I just wasn't in the mood. When I got home I only had one thing on my mind despite my mom asking me to join her and my brother as they went to the mall. Something deep down tells me I should almost never turn down my mom for 'maybes' or 'what could be's'.
To avoid going through every single detail- for the next 2 hours or so I had "chose" to sit in the back seat of my car in front of Tidus house. In my defense I had so many sketch ideas that I had to let out, which I did- but by not being home I couldn't properly touch them up. I wasted my (indispensable) time there, I know I did. I felt so wrong but I couldn't, I didn't want to be in my house all alone. I felt like crying because I just didn't want to feel alone in a room full of paired off people. I still feel out of place. I'm sure there is some sort of positive affirmation I can work on - but for the time being I just feel.. and I feel a lot of it.
Before the night ended I paid a visit to Usagi who made me feel a bit better.
I addressed up front with her things that were bugging me and she wholeheartedly apologized for simply showing up when a ride in my car was being offered.
I know talking with her loosened me up but still - here I sit; itchy, mussels tight, heart racing, tears blurring my vision. & I can't help but smile. So what today was not as productive as others.
So what I can witness my self respect fade. I win some and lose some. I'll be ok in the end.