I had another emotional flare up, break down, whatever you wanna call it. One of the worse I've had in a while. Unfortunately my Mom had to be there. I love her so much but I hate the fact that I feel like I can go to her for about almost anything. & so I did. I let her know how I wanted to end my life - I'm sick of feeling the way I do. .. . the night went on. Me crying out of shame her crying while making countless calls to get me help.
Grrrmph. I swear I have so many more reasons to hate myself even more. A stupid teenager obsessing over a stupid teenage relationship gone sour? WTF. When will I grow to have the strength I need to take care of myself? Aah, well ... I can't type it all with out getting teary eyed . It can't be help though. Feeling that way will get me no where. I'll be fine. & you know what, there is still hope ....... and I won't.. I can't let it go.
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The next day [well today obviously], this amazing friend found his way into my heart again and again and again...
Diante I love you so much.
We Spent That Day, And We Laughed And We Smiled AndWe Played..And With Everything Right, Not A Problem In Sight
I Pray That This Moment Would Stay . .. .. Oh, I Have Been Waiting For All Of This Time...
Finally Found You, My Love Has Arrived
Once There Was Me, Now There's You And I.
After Diante, I was faced with another [unplanned] surprise. Ashley wanted to hang with me.
Yeah. That Ashley. We drove all the way up to Bel Air to visit an old friend of hers and to have a few drinks.
Sure I was giving the option to stay home before hand, but I couldn't wait.
Over all, all I had was two mixers and one shot of this yummy tasting "vanilla sky". Although her friend got totally shit faced the two of us held our own and shared many stories and created new memories. We sobered up at a near by waffle house. MMhmmm. Waffles.
I'm not saying I'm going to be a drinking fool now [although thats most likely was not a one time thing] but today what I realized was that there are people in my life, and they were put there for a reason. On top of that, about 3 differnt people called/txt me out of the blue today also... just wanting to talk. Wow. If this wasn't a sign idk what else is.
1 comment:
I really do believe that there's more to how you're feeling other than that dude..If not, then it sickens me to see you this way because of him..You telling your mom about it..was a good idea BUT that gives her permission to butt in your personal life at any given..Telling her what you told her added fuel to the fire that I thought was slowly but surely descending..But it's okay. I'm here for you and YOU will get through this. I promise.
I LOVE YOU, GIRLLL!!
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