DNA test says....

You are not the mother.
"Lol good cause I'm not trying to be!"
It's just weird....
Am I just weird for wanted to take care of someone other than myself?
Without having to be asked?
....I think I'll save this rant for another day.

Anyway.___ So me not being invited to Laurens birthday party is still lingering in the back of my head.

• I don't like facebook.
• *sigh*
• Just keep moving forward
  

SOoo today I played cupid and delivered Usagi the man of her dreams (aka brandon). They seemed really shy and happy around each other and that made me laugh. They even hugged and kissed. That made me.... want to walk away. but HEY if she's happy so am I.
Kelitah, Peanut and I drown downtown to fells point today. It was really nice despite all the heavy rain. I liked what I saw and fell in love with the sound garden. Don't worry//... Ill be back

P.S: Ohh yea, it's already been brought

.5 blood princess

Pokemon has officially come to the end of the road with me. The other day I discovered that a whole new set of 135+ has been created. That would at first appeal to me however they did such a bad job! the new pokemon are just digimon/ alien/ neopet rejects. I hate them. Oh! and to add injury to insult I got my ass handed to me on Pokemon stadium. I was a sore loser and the crown went to a sore winner. blarg. w.e

Watchmen is on out on DVD now. yay.

I also went swimming yesterday that was cool and saw Orphan. That was was wack. the art of horror has died.
Today I cleaned and went to see Harry Potter6; i fell asleep for like 5 whole minutes but over all I enjoyed it. Ron W. is my favorite.
Besides working tomorrow IDK what is instore for me.
LAteR>>>

Take a chance you stupid ho

Whatcha waiting for?

Ahhh So last night I drove up to Towson with Dean to ICE .. the hookah bar. It was my first time and even now, I'm not 100% what a hookah is exactly. It's not the same as flavored oxygen cause apparently it has hints of tobacco. but like, it doesnt get you high. just dizzy and calm.
well it was a very fun experince I was such a noob at first. coughing like a cancer patient (is that taking it to far?) after each exhale. but by the end of the night i was like the ffriggin blue catipillar from Alice in wonderland. muhaha. Can't wait to go again and with more people!. (Aaah. Just another advantage of being 18 I guess....

All this fun i'm having on the rode is great but I need to be more mindful of my parents. I failed to buy my moms lunch for today cause by the time I got home last night all the stores where closed. She wasnt mad at me, but now she'll have to pay for lunch. I will make it up to her...
and while at towson I brought these mirror aviators (sun glasses) for my dad.
wow right?
He saw them on a guy a long time ago and idk I just brought them from XXI. I wonder what his reaction will be. [* i've never brought him shit for no reason.]
Haha might have a heart attack.
__________________________

My hair looks like shit i swear i want to shave it all off and buy wigs for the rest of my life. It's like the only thing that really makes me feel so un attractive. Such a guy ;-;
On a lighter note. Piplup is cute. JK that not what I really was going to say.
I talked to Jamal last night I think we're going to hang out today.. hopefully. Idk where to go though I'm poor. Idk who's going to drive either. Mayb I should just meet him half way.
cancer x cancer. lol

It's good

Where is your boy tonight I hope he is a gentleman. ...

so....KAGE....had SEX.....with another GIRL....recently.
I just want to get that out. Thanks bro. for being so honest with me n shit. I really needed to know that.

Shayla: 1 Kage: 3

*Cough* Please excuse that outburst. I just got off the phone with my best buddy about 5 minutes ago when he gave me the news. IDGAF... seriously. I didn't plan on being with him again anyway. I think I'm just a little salty at our score board now.
Sorry to wrap up my otakon blog so fast. There was just too too much to cover.
Lets see,.. how is shayla doing right now? Honestly,.. she has no idea. She says she's content with her days. Recently she's met some new friends who in a way have a lot to offer. Girls and guys alike. But what does she really feel about them?

• I hate being alone

So, I'm not going to lie, I having some feelings for some guy I kinda sorta just got to know.
Pure innocent feelings that could, If I'm lucky, lead to someone getting felt; if ya catch my drift. lmao lame.
And so with that being said. My long streak of jerkophila continues. ^__^
Usagi and I are still really cool.
Lumi is about to be a police woman.
& Idk about Lystra... my heart feels broken and I'm really frustrated with the thought of loosing her. I can't see me cutting her off but I need to really punch myself in my face cause I know my dumb ass is pushing her away.
I can admitt it. I'm a selfish person. I don't believe in groups. They always fall apart.
So I guess Lys, If God still hears me, I'll send up a little prayer...
That he or whoever heals my mind and my heart. I don't want to be afraid anymore.
I want to continue living out my days smiling and laughing with the people that mean the most to me....
Somehow I ended up being someones driving teacher. wtf. ha...
I wanna blow with my cousin but he said no! I'm comming back over there soon ya dig?


PS: Kageyoshi/ Neiko you are epic dude.

What a weekend

• Tuesday: I backed off the highway. got lost in the ghetto and enjoyed a transformers banana slurpee.
• Wednesday: i ate sushi. tons of sushi and ice cream
  
• Thursday: drove to Towson mall. watch Peanut walk into Luis Viiton drove down town past Otakon Pre Reg. Made my mark on Peanuts VIP hotel. Chilled Hard. Drove home with assholes and the biggest headache in life.
• Friday. OTAKON DAY 1 - Epic
• Saturday. DAY 2- Almost epic. Didn't attend the rave but brought a lot of cool merch in the dealers gallery.
  
• Sunday. Day 3 Farewell Otakon I'll see you 2010! I hung out with Milford/ Woodlawn we went all over down town (except art scape) Hooters. Barnes and Noble. Gallery. Harbor Mall place. Dude I saw a guy jump into the harbor water because he had dropped his $1o bill! ...hope he's still alive.

I was happy to get home. Not so much to start work again.
Ron has been keeping me company like, a lot. I really appriciate it.

18teen

Yesterday was my 18th birthday.

• Farmers market
• Work
• Pho
• Hoyts (Bruno)
• Highway
• ...Sleepover

Overall, I really enjoyed myself. I was surprised and happy that the Smurfs spent a lot of that time with me. Lystra, Shaun, Anna and both of the Jasmine/Jazmines couldn't make it but hey... [Count your blessing]
I am calm right now. trying to get to Warped tour tomorrow
Otakon is in 3 days...

De Colores. Avatar State

"It's the end of the world as we know it"

Ever since my last trip to the library Ive been trying to better my self in a more,I guess you can call it, spiritual way. I learned about the different chakra colors and their meanings. I've been doing mini yoga sessions almost where ever I go and sometimes even small meditation. It feeks wonderful. I came to the conclusion that my color that I would most likely want to focus on right now is green.

Green chakra relates to love/self love - the ability to give and take unconditionally. When balanced we are able to give love and also to love and nurture ourselves. Helps relax muscles, nerves, and thoughts. Cleanses and balances our energy, to give a feeling of renewal, peace and harmony. Green connects us to unconditional love and is used for balancing our whole being.

positive aspects of green

- compassion, generosity, harmony/balance & loving

negative aspects of green

- indifference, jealousy, miserly, & bitterness

Wow I thought I had more to say but It kinda just left me..
Um, well tomorrow is my Bday. I'll be 18. duhh.
Otakon is in 4 days... wow.

well.... Oh well. Apparently nothing at all

//And so the masochistic Lamb feel in love with the stupid lion. && Nothing became of it...
I gave up on my new love last night...seriously.
It would've been a big mistake to continue waiting for him...
Just as I said, temporary.

I feel so overwhelmed and drained when it comes to dealing with other people.

I want to cry right now.

I probably will later on tonight .. in hope of releasing some pressure.
I feel [so] alone. I feel like I'm at the age [or stage] where no one can come up to me and offer me a hug. Have I really given off that I'm busy/ clammed up vibe? I assure you I'm not as assertive as I guess people think. I have all the time in the world!

• & Big girls don't cry

*
*

After waking Peanut up with a batch of brownies and riding him around I went to a real youth group today with Lumi. It was different in a good way. I so use to my church and its 99.8% black community that it was nice seeing white and Asian kids running around lol.
We played games in and out doors. [It was hot.]
& afterward It was like church; Singing, testimonies, offerings and a sermon. *Sigh* As powerful as he thought his words were, the church leader dude still couldn't reach this heart of mines.
I felt very spiritual at that moment almost as if he was talking to me but it still sounding weird to me ears so I listened and prayed in silence. I would like to try Stephs Youths groups, she always seems to be having a fun.. and competitive time. Nice way to meet new ppl too.

[Calvin W and his little sister was there today.]

What is it that I want to believe in?? We reap what we sow..So, what do I want to . produce?

[insert big ass question mark here]

Beautiful & Broken. 11:17pm
Current Song Gravity By Sarah Bareilles

I'm not going to write you a love song

So not too long again it started to pour down raining. Without any second thoughts I found myself running around my front lawn bare foot. It was soooo great. I wasn't worried about my hair getting wet or falling. I wasn't worrying. I just felt better.....

On another note. I think I've found a new love.
[& denial aint just a river.]
Let me explain. I've fallen in love with someone; I don't necessarily love him though.
It's refreshing no longer having control of my thoughts; I feel stupid and jealous consistently. I loose nothing nor gain by behaving the way I do --I just want to be around him! My heart pounds in my chest & the more I try to silence it the more notions that don't feel like my own, leak into my brain; my dreams.
I hate this because he has no idea how hard it is to wait by the phone, to pretend to not care ...
I hate when my text goes ignored, or when I don't get a invite out of the blue. I hate when our plans get canceled for "tomorrow".
Your such a fucking liar. *swoon*

((I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'm begging you to beg me... & I want you now.))

& so my feelings of infatuation are truly intriguing & Ironically temporary.
But unfortunately, as of right now, I have it bad :(