Ra

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along

And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Wow. I totally forgot about this song by the Fray. It's lyrics and the video are both very strong.
Although rather mainstream I've always found the lead singers voice attractive. Right now however, The Fugees/ Lauryn Hill, India Arie, Flobots & Weezer are heavily influencing my ears and actions.

"How you gonna win when you ain't right with in?"

I'm working on me right now, I've been typing up many things I'd like to address with my parents. I have yet to decide how I will present my ideas to them. I could email it, print it out and let them read it in front of me or simple speak to them upfront. I want to be comfortable as I step out the box.

So I just beat the Elite four. It took about four tries too but my Pokemon team obviously but in work. HIRO gained $58060.
I'm really looking forward to April. I have plans for almost every weekend, all of which are some what anime related. I need to request more hours at work, I'm back to working only 15 hours. (-_-);

Last week was rough; I haven't cried that hard in a while. Going downtown and chilling at the harbor was un forgettable though, I can't help but to enjoy the smalls things.

-PS. wow I think the Siberian Husky has some competition in my heart. The breed known as Shiba Inu have amazing coats and are apparently more adaptable to housing and weather, Orgin: Japan :P That daily puppy app constantly makes my heart skip a few beats. Just Sayin...

My sleeping habits are way out of tune. I'm still up!? Good night ~~

Worse than Enimies

There are so many methods of birth control available. I think it''s wrong to have sympathy for any female to have a child by "accident". If you don't want a baby then don't let a penis anywhere near your cervix. End of story. I know that I've played with fire habitually -- but you know what they say "Love is like unprotected sex, make sure the ones you love are worst the risk." L.O.L

Anyway so the other night I brought [my new addiction] Pokemon Soul Silver.

The only problem is that Jordan has heart Gold and there is only one DS in this house. So I get home and pretty much demand for him to let me hold it. It was almost his bed time and I knew I would take it to school the next day. Long story short - my mother had to get involved because of our words. It's truly sad at how easily I snap on a member in my very own house. blood. I was angry, thinking of nothing but angry and threatening thoughts.
Over something so stupid!
Thinking back on it- even moments later. I got really really sad. I wanted to apologize but I felt like I've become such a stranger to his world as he is to mine, and it wouldn't mean a thing.
As I was gearing up to blog about this event a slightly crumpled piece of paper was slide under my door.
He had been up all night a letter of apology. Can I just say that was a first.
So bitter sweet. He had proven to be the bigger person and I was so happy I was nearly in tears. He agreed with what my mom had said and said he'd try harder to be nicer.
I love you Little Bro!

---
きょおわ

"Things are looking up- Oh finally" Paramore

So today my head was on a bit tighter.
The weather was amazing! いいおてんきですね
Math clicked today and I did pretty much everything I wanted to do. Snowball was my road dog today - I can tell he enjoyed it very much. Out of the three jobs I applied for this month 0 came back as planned. It's all good though, I'll just continue to try at least three every month.
---
Jordan from Facebook/ My Japanese Class encouraged Kelli and I to go Japan with him this summer. He went last year, with a group of friends and is determined to go again. I would love to go! He has no idea...I just have to take the steps. I'll insist on him giving me the updates often.

Dig Deeper, Buried forever

Before truly bringing it [a problem I see surfacing] into existence I should first examine it's roots.
I want to tug at the roots before it even considers it ugly weltering petals.
My grades are not good enough. 69, 79, 74..in that pattern. I guess I got what I deserve right?... But I studied! I got a tutor. What is stopping me from applying myself when It comes to test? They don't scare me, and I feel as though I've been learning so much so why is it that when I look over my shoulder the person sitting right next to me gets handed a 97 test grade? I almost want to cry today -- I was so confident prior.
Well, I won't give up that's for sure. I'll just have to email my teachers more and work harder; even if it means loosing my car.

The pressure is on.

Gravitation is in fact "easy" and dangerous as ringing a doorbell.
Victorious is her name [insider] What a scary thought! hahaha.
Anyway, So I sat on my bike the other day, the wheels are flat. I'll pump air into them as soon as possible and I guess follow in Lystra's tire tracks..
.

.I see myself disappearing more from one me into another. I don't feel weak, and I don't feel alone. I'm a little upset but I know I'll be there, somewhere, in the future. & boy, will it be bright...

K.I.S.S

I'm setting [small] goals.
I made a list and it'll all happen by the end of the month. Yay?
I think so! Lol, Some may be as small as making another batch of pudding but some are as serious as applying for at least 3 other jobs. *grin*
I wish a had Naruto squinty eyes. I'm reading the manga right now, 485, can you believe this all started back in middle school? I remember it so clearly, Danielle letting me burrow volume 1. Naruto. I was so fascinated, Naruto and Sasuke and their accidental kiss, Neji's white eyes, it was all so innocent..aaah~ viva la memories.


So Imogen heap is on heavy replay lately & not just one CD but all three including FrouFrou. She defiantly has a place in my heart.

"Closing in...I hope that you make it.
Closing in...I hope that you find your way.
Closing in...it's all that I want... in the whole world.
Closing in...please be mine... please be there."

Spring is March 20th I believe. *huge grin*
Lol at the possibility of me sitting around or being indoors in the beginning.
Well anyways... I gotta be at work in exactly an hour. Might be seeing Alice in Wonderland tonight.
Adios~~

I'm the hero of the story. Don't need to be saved

"I'm looking at the World, while she's looking at the Universe"

This weekend has been exciting and unexpected. I saw Lystra yet again on Friday, met the adorable Miss Candice and laughed hard with Dean.
It's still hard for me to push my 'unhealthy' habits aside. I feel a tear in my core every time I try. & that was Friday.
Lys stayed till Saturday we ate a lot of good things, in my opinion, all day. It made me realize how unorganized my diet is. What is it that I really want to set limits on in order to remain healthy and happy (food wise)? I don't eat red meats and I don't eat poultry. The end. I never said milk was off limits although I prefer soy milk and it usually is around me. Soy products in general are what I prefer but I do not feel as though I am settling if I don't have it. Some people can stomach things that others can't the world goes on. I do not wished to be looked at different (even if indirectly) because of what I still choose to eat, I like fish and I like sweets. Good day!

Also, another realization that I experienced while on my "LSD" trip, maybe a clue that could potentially bring me out of my shell.
Fire.
As I looked into the eyes of Dean and Lys, as I drank up their words, I noticed myself falling silent, in awe of there desires for intense and aspirational goals they have laid out for themselves.
I now feel more than ever that I am missing that fire, that'll lead me to a passion in which I see myself becoming one with. I practiced routines and tried to organize my thoughts once before and for some reason I felt as though I had down something. In fact I'd done something that is really of no merit... what I do is the real message.
So much was going through my mind at work today, progress I need progress in my life.
[+__+] My head hurts, yes, from thinking.

My heart is thumping loud but I will not let it take lead.
I'm resisting the urge to lay down and calling it a night right about now.
.
.
.
Club Orpheus was my first and last time at a club for as long as I wish to keep my word on that matter. I went because it was JPop night, there were so many cute lolita outfits and of course girls sporting them. I fell into the grove so naturally. It was nice change of setting, getting to walk across the stage and hearing a loud applause made my heart skip a few beats. I met this one chic who ended up sending me a friend request the following day ^.^ I would love to share some ideas and exchange tips with her as much as possible.

__
So, I hate it when I read a passage which wasn't necessarily intended for my eyes and my mind automatically takes it as a threat and runs with it. *Sigh* It takes time for me to return back to normal.

Obviously that is a part of me that has never changed. [Dirt swept under a rug.] I would face it if a knew how, it's not exactly o.k to go up to someone and address a matter you had no reason for decoding in the first place :/ envy is ugly.

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must finally show