Rewind

Ok, so am I allowed to take back pretty much everything i said last post? Cuz' uh ,that's what I'm in the mood for. I say a lot.. that obviously was what I felt that day & now I kinda wish I hadn't felt so strongly on such topics. *sigh*
So, I'm really glad I got to hang out with Lystra Saturday. Being pushed out of my comfort zone is always an event i struggle with but never really fails to disappoint, *unlike some movies (WolfMan) I seriously would like my 1 and 45 mins back from that syht. lol.

[I wrote a semi long blog the other day but when I tried to add a picture it deleted it all and save & now I can't recall everything I had in my head. x_x ]

I would like some new music soon, I'm almost starting to get tired of The Follow Through.
I guess I'll have to find it myself, I'm not really good at that.
*Break-even - The Script.
It's songs like these that makes me feel like my consequences are so un unique. Everyone goes through relationship problems at some point in their life. We're not alone.
*In my head, that's exactly how Kage feels .. felt. :/
I want to care.

So there are quite a few people who I'd like to name drop but I won't this time especially because my point of view will most likely change the moment i choose to come back and re read what I wrote.

I've been feeling really happy lately. But it all feels kinda like a dream, there is this hole in a part of me that is craving attention. I thought about getting extensions and contacts, and other things that would change my appearance even just for a while. I mean I'm still me on the inside right? I wonder what would shine more I guess.


I'll be bringing Scarlet to school today then. *braces self* Anime Club is starting to appeal to me more and more. No more Woodlawn.

PS> Horny girls like me could easily be taken advantage of. Probably

Nearly a Month....

"The worse feeling is waking up in the morning smelling like sex, but knowing you didn't even have it."
Hey, so I've been meaning to update this but obviously have have failed you.
I just woke up about 25 mins ago, apparently I'm going to be attending my brothers basketball game in about a hour. After that I'm going to get Lystra from her school so that we can hang out. Wow, I haven't seen her in like month(s). If I wasn't so sleepy from last night [didn't get home till after midnight] I'd be more animated and ready.

Poreotix, Blueprint Crew, Saltarie & JungleBoogie <-- Potential winners of ABDC. just saying.

I need to learn to study! omfg lol. Flashcards, repetition, and silence, I need to practice them all in a controlled environment asap. Japanese class is only getting harder. smh.

SO yeah, I really don't like asking for things. I do it a lot, but I think I do it cause of the saying "ask and you shall receive." That's kids stuff man. I'm not asking Usagi for the game anymore, I don't even want to expect it. I don't necessarily want to ask for gas money, I'll just believe that if thr passenger has it, they'd give it. I don't wanna ask for sex *cough* or a hug or a kiss. && as I state this, I want to shorten then the things asked of me. I want to be there for people who may seem uncomfortable asking me to be, I want to call up my family more [hanging with my nana the other day was the best.] I want to enhance my ability to just give, and love unconditionally. :D

S[HE] BE[LIE]VE[D]

Cool title no?
I stole it from Facebook. It has no real value to it so don't get all paranoid. Geez.
So today I walked to Ron's house early yet again, only to be sent home in less than an hour to shovel. What a lame way to start the day.
Walking is cool man. My legs feel alive but my body is begging for sleep.
I jumped off of Pnuts deck, porch, balcony thingy - it was fun. I scream for help the the whole 3.45 seconds it took to hit the ground lol.
--
Kage is a wreck and it's all my fault. I'm ready to move on and he's ready to hold on. So stubborn we are. He'll always be my first love, nothing will ever change that but I wish he could be happy on his own. It would make it a lot easier for the both of us.

Sidenote: I miss CCBC. can't wait till Monday.

& When I dream...

You're there.

So yesterday was defiantly a shake on my reality. My dreams had been eating away at me for days and just like that i found myself packing my bag and throwing on clothes. I had a plan, a mission to save myself and a friendship.
I walked, and walked and walked. Past Usagi, Pnut and everyone in between. I made it to Ron's house, my heart safety pinned to my backpack. Trusting myself and my legs I walked in and awkwardly gave my apology speech. I was going to keep going until I was abruptly asked to leave...that never happened

Pulchritudinous

Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate, our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure we ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? actually, who are you not to be? your playing small doesn't serve the world we are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us and... as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.