A night amongst the stars

Yesterday was Senior Prom.
My Senior prom was a success. It was very well put together.
I spent about an hour and a half getting myself together. My mom did my nails and makeup and everyone took so many picture of me. Lol I wasn't nervous I guess cause it was just me... *cough* I loved my outfit though. I felt pretty. My mom kept smiling and texting and making sure I had everything. The prom was at the M&T Football stadium. First class banquet hall. I think everyone looked very classy - loved the dresses and the food and smiles and the energy. The DJ was better than last year but this time there was no alternative music. Not even a little P!nk or Maroon 5. Jeeze.
Yeah so no date kinda had it's positives and negatives.
If I went with some guy I knew I would've most likely been awkward at some parts.
No guy meant having a seat through the slow dances and getting my own drinks.
I'm not going to lie I thought about it a lot. How I ended up alone. Lol [someone pass the SALT]
After Prom was even better.
My Rock band band was epic. Lol I played drums , guitar and sung with all my heart.
I won the dvd Valkyrie, other ppl won stuff like PS3, ipods, gifts cards and tvs. T_T
.....
SO yeah, I got home by like 5:30 and slept like the 3:30. only to drive up to Towson with Kage Andy & Chewy.
Lol yeah, I know right.
We stopped in the mall for a few then Chewy and Andy left. I watched Kage protest for the first time ever. I hate to say it but I was thoroughly impressed. Several marine guys came up to argue with him, but it was more of a [real shit] debate.
Both sides put up a good fight and I learned alot.
Ironically the thing that stuck to me the most was this one quaker dude and he whole idea that he lives in his world and we live in ours.idgaf
Gahhh...... SO much I wanna say but I don't want a long ass blog really.
Wish I could just, you know, talk to someone about this.
Fuck.

**Changes topic.
So yeah, I shead a few tears this morning, it was more like shedding skin.
I think I'm over it.....
I want a boyfriend. A real one.

TTFN/Tata for now.

The Joy of Driving

Currently listening to: Big Girls don't cry by Fergie.
I love this song. Lol I'm a totaly sucker for self reliance.
An even better song?
Details in the Fabric By Jason Mraz.

..... Getting back on topic. Yesterday was great.
Went joy riding with Diante and Danni. Yeap. Yeap. Haven't chilled with her since... Like... Otakon or something. She's changed a lot, but still my Danni in her heart.
Dani and Dean shared a Cig as we walked all throughout my neighbor hood and 'caught up' Its funny reminiscing and whatnot
When I' with them it's like GSA. (Gay/Straight Alliance) & Then with Lys & Dean it's LSD (ya kno, the drug).
The two are also a constant reminder of the lack of sex I've been having these days.
A tragedy really.
I picked then up and took them home around eleven, and my parents knew about it too! ....well sort've.

____________________________________

*Work was tiring. 9:30am -4pm. I don't like my manager lady.
I watched Dance Flick afterward.
Lmao dumb shit.
_______________________________________

*TODAY I START PAINTING MY ROOM.
Kelitah and Lystra are on their way to help out and eat. Mainly eat.

______________________________________

*Oh ok, so Dylan is so not going to prom with me. He's so damn dumb.
I really like him though. Like without a doubt.
He is under my skin & I won't do anything but wait for it to wear off. [Like a henna tattoo]
I miss being around him terribly and my dreams aren't helping but it's just a crush.
Nothing serious. "Dude I swear."

Sleepless

it's currently eleven oh four.
my body feels like jello.
Blah~
*
*
*
I feel like dog food again. It's always a lose/lose for me.
Lumi came to visit me today at work; that was nice. we still have the same dumb boy issues. lol. It's such a small world. I don't ever wanna be considered special again.
*sigh*
I wish she would've came over like she said she would...
After work, I went back to cleaning out my past; I've trashed so many notes, photographs and journals its ridiculous.
I've been going at it with every corner of my room. Dusting, vacuuming, recycling, re organizing, unplugging, and defiantly rediscovering.

Dude. I can fcking draw.

My old sketch books and doodles almost make me want to cry.

Where did I go wrong?

Maybe I'm just feeling myself too much; but I'm happy. Haha! Wow, did I really just inspire myself?!?

I realize how distracted I was. I love drawing.
____

I can't wait to really start painting my room. Hopefully Lys will be here to help. I really wish I took some "before" pics. My walls are nakid now. So is under my bed and my corners. For the most part everything is well dusted. I even lit a strawberry candle. Mannnn, I'm really feeling this sshit!
Do you think your better off alone ? [fuck love]

** Sorry I just had to copy/ paste this again.
--------

[[Kage just txt me.
He wanted me to go to a concert with him. Pah.
I said no, so now I'm a loser & he's lonely. ]]

I think I should ... rest for a bit. I really hope I get interrupted by a phone call or something.
* I have no new prom updates.
*God I was an ugly kid. Lol Middle school was my rough years.
*pinacolda + banana = YUM

BTW ....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEANUT [20]

IHOP

IHOP
from person to person
from feeling to feeling
from outfit to outfit
from car to car
from bed to bed
from anime to anime
from goal to goal
from band to band

[later on]

Kay so, no new updates.
lmao the Smurfs * reunited today for lunch @ Security.
Woe.
Ha. I took a good nice nap and ate a good nice dinner
I just might be up for the rest of the night.
IDK if i want the car tomorrow.....

100% Juice [An unseen Update]

So. I'm here; Sitting. In CCBC cafe.
I left my house around 6:15 am and havent been back since.
I went to school (Western) & brought two Senior Prom tickets.
Just spent $6.00 on a sandwhich and grape juice. [broke as a joke]
&& Now I wait.
For Steph and Claire.
No Dylan. Live high

(I'll be back later on)

live HIGH

not literally.
Well actually I plan to get 'blazed' this summer.

Today was the official first day of Summer break 09.
Pretty epic, I laid in 3 different boys beds & still I'm no hoe.
Jason Mraz = Love.
I must say, I'm a bit off a mess right now. But I like it.

Let there be blood. 20yrs

Last night I had a nightmare.
It was pretty gruesome and I was really scared but couldn't wake up.
*
*
*
*
Kage came over last night... I had managed to ignore him all day but then I remembered it was his birthday. We sat and talked for about a good 30 mins then he started begging for it so I left.

• Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight //

I really do miss being touched. Hugged. Kissed...
I had a two day special of it Wednesday and Thursday.
My heart was in my throat;
Pounding.
Pleading; because it was tired of running.
It's killing me softly, the thought that that will come to an end.
again. .
----
I'm not your one, Dude. I'm 100% sure of that. Cut the bull shyt you bad noodle. !! It's not like I wanna kill myself . But by dealing with you , I'm dealing with a personal demon. A seductive liar. How does that one line from that Linkin park song go? -"against my will I stand beside my own reflection."
&& quiet honestly I don't mind getting tainted. If your going to corrupt me, just do it right. Surprises tend to make feel a bit nauseated.

~~~~~Fragile }}}

Please, please, please don't leave me this way.

On the road again {I think I'm back.}

Hey, I think I'm back.
May 05, 2009. I Received my license.
Ever since then I've been feeling a very large scene of pride. I knew I could do it && I did.
It rained shortly after.

My last week of school went by super fast.
I counted down, but in reality I was counting down the days I would see him again. :(
Lol.
------------->>> Fast forwarding a bit, I've made new acquaintances. Justin [Jojo], Alex and Tanique.
<-- The Milford crew.
They are pretty cool. Something stands out in each of them. Both ,we'll actual all three of them have some what of an unnatural crush on me.
Wich is unfortunate because I'm not ready to open my heart up to anyone.
no time soon [fuck love]

Haha, so intense shay.

------------------
dude.....
I AM DONE WITH WESTERN TECH !!!!!!!
------------------
Anyway.
So my eyes are open, I realize that I am, a very selfish person.
[1: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.]

The change I want the most, starts inside of me & will end with me. I want freedom, I want wisdom, I want beauty I want to be the best me I can. I'm not ready for love. No one can understand why I do the things I do. And so, I'll leave it to myself to pick up and re mold all my pieces. I like a lot of people, but I can't trust them..

-------->>big fake smiles, stupid lies<< -------- The only reason I write like this is because I've been hurt. I had a huge gashing cut in my stomach and didn't know who else to run to. No one is ever there to save me, and I won't play the pity role. [[Lys, you are my angel. No matter what happens ,I just don't want you to be sad. I know you love me. I'm just a screw ball at times.]]
I want to get better so I write, re read and plan for the future. ____________________________

The last two days of school where nice. I didn't cry and a lot of unplanned things happened. I smiled from my heart && I know I really should stay away from you. Lol but I've been waiting for someone like you for soooooooo long.
____________________________

I'm on the phone with Jamal right now.[ he's a cancer] It's pretty peaceful. I'm not at peace though. Like a surgeon, I'm picking apart myself. Trying to understand... what it really takes to make independent. mind -body- soul....

Do you think your better off alone ? [fuck love]

Toxic

Baby cant you see.
I'm calling...