Tuesday, March 15, 2011
What is beautiful?
This is like the calmest my blog layout has ever looked. I'm kinda digging it too :)
Man, I swear Pokemon Black came out at the perfect time, between that and watching Black Butler I find myself capable of sitting in my room for hours with interest. I always tend to fall in and out of reality at the right times. I am purposefully choosing to distance myself from people; honestly, it hurts too much to do other wise. shikata ja nai...
I am a very awkward creature. Some days I can approach a stranger without hesitation and other days I squirm under the gaze under anyone that looks my way. I get embarrassed easily, I freeze up and wish that to exit the vicinity. /Sigh/ Insecurity is a bitch.
I am capable of doing better, I just have to train myself and train myself and train myself to change the voices in my head.
I love myself. I love my enlightenment's. I love that I am fragile and still so strong. I love my thick hair, my smile, my hips and my red, itchy, irritated skin!
As for now, I just need to keep up my good work in school. I enjoy the way all my classes are beginning to blend into one another, it really helps me make since of it all. Composing my philosophy statement of education is also very interesting. I am creating an affirmation of how my classroom will be managed and how my students will learn and grow together with me.
There's something else I would like to express but it's on the tip of my tongue now and I can't seem to even form pieces of the whole. So tonight I will ask myself questions and pray on it. I still haven't given up on that habit. It's funny though because I choose to try again in order to rid my mind of all the negativity I carried around from Ron. I still pray for him. I hope his lifestyle takes him down a path that is beautiful and free and reflects the soul inside of him.
But it's not all about him anymore. I have to constantly forgive myself and others. No one wants to hurt or feel pain, but it happens to everyone and on certain degrees. Suffering is optional.
There is a bit of beauty in believing in what you can not see.
Man, I swear Pokemon Black came out at the perfect time, between that and watching Black Butler I find myself capable of sitting in my room for hours with interest. I always tend to fall in and out of reality at the right times. I am purposefully choosing to distance myself from people; honestly, it hurts too much to do other wise. shikata ja nai...
I am a very awkward creature. Some days I can approach a stranger without hesitation and other days I squirm under the gaze under anyone that looks my way. I get embarrassed easily, I freeze up and wish that to exit the vicinity. /Sigh/ Insecurity is a bitch.
I am capable of doing better, I just have to train myself and train myself and train myself to change the voices in my head.
I love myself. I love my enlightenment's. I love that I am fragile and still so strong. I love my thick hair, my smile, my hips and my red, itchy, irritated skin!
As for now, I just need to keep up my good work in school. I enjoy the way all my classes are beginning to blend into one another, it really helps me make since of it all. Composing my philosophy statement of education is also very interesting. I am creating an affirmation of how my classroom will be managed and how my students will learn and grow together with me.There's something else I would like to express but it's on the tip of my tongue now and I can't seem to even form pieces of the whole. So tonight I will ask myself questions and pray on it. I still haven't given up on that habit. It's funny though because I choose to try again in order to rid my mind of all the negativity I carried around from Ron. I still pray for him. I hope his lifestyle takes him down a path that is beautiful and free and reflects the soul inside of him.
But it's not all about him anymore. I have to constantly forgive myself and others. No one wants to hurt or feel pain, but it happens to everyone and on certain degrees. Suffering is optional.
There is a bit of beauty in believing in what you can not see.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Move you feet
I love morning like this, when the house is empty and I can shower and dance around partially clothed. If only I had a stereo like my dad i would blast the music seeping through my laptop even louder. I wanna dance more with my hips and arms, not following any particular style just more in sync with what ever song plays next. When I dance it's usually in front of a mirror just so I can watch myself; I can smile and frown at all the weird ways my body is able to move.
A Clean Shot-Myraid.
So this weekend I learned to never trust the letter R with a nice smile. You'll always end up biting your tongue and walking away. In a way I really am glad things are happening this way. I got to learn somehow. I'm flattered though, in some weird way I still feel exactly the same way I did prior.
Right now I'm failing as a 'girlfriend', a friend and as a self actualized individual. All I can promise is that that will all soon change. Acceptance is the 1st step right? Right. So now I need to stop throwing myself under the bus and hiding behind pseudo stress. Every little thing, is going to be alright.
Now that it's getting warmer I really wanna start getting over to the SPCA, although I was just there last Friday it's not enough. I feel so much more content knowing I made a pooches life just a tad bit better.
This Sunday I went to a new church out in columbia and had a great experience, I'd never thought a church like that could exist. There was an equal amount of white, black, mixed and asian families all there worshiping. The praise portion was nice because Jesus was sung in about 6 different languages. There was an awesome band that provided all the music, there was no choir, it was commonly accepted as a come as you are type church so there were a lot of people in normal clothes, jeans and tennis even the pastor! It was super down to earth and the message was equally as simplistic and powerful as everything I witnessed. :) Just throwing that out there.
A Clean Shot-Myraid.
So this weekend I learned to never trust the letter R with a nice smile. You'll always end up biting your tongue and walking away. In a way I really am glad things are happening this way. I got to learn somehow. I'm flattered though, in some weird way I still feel exactly the same way I did prior.
Right now I'm failing as a 'girlfriend', a friend and as a self actualized individual. All I can promise is that that will all soon change. Acceptance is the 1st step right? Right. So now I need to stop throwing myself under the bus and hiding behind pseudo stress. Every little thing, is going to be alright.
Now that it's getting warmer I really wanna start getting over to the SPCA, although I was just there last Friday it's not enough. I feel so much more content knowing I made a pooches life just a tad bit better.
This Sunday I went to a new church out in columbia and had a great experience, I'd never thought a church like that could exist. There was an equal amount of white, black, mixed and asian families all there worshiping. The praise portion was nice because Jesus was sung in about 6 different languages. There was an awesome band that provided all the music, there was no choir, it was commonly accepted as a come as you are type church so there were a lot of people in normal clothes, jeans and tennis even the pastor! It was super down to earth and the message was equally as simplistic and powerful as everything I witnessed. :) Just throwing that out there.
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