Interesting - The Secret Powers of Time

Intro Music: "On the Radio" by Regina Spektor

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

A cocktail of chemicals

That's all that love is really, when you break it down.
A bunch of chemicals that your brain decides to dump into your system. There are scientifically/ technically three stages of this love mumbo - jumo. Lust, Attraction & Attachment. I'm still very young in this knowledge so I won't pretend I get it all, just a few of the names of these bastards. One of which can be found in chocolate. I know right? The betrayal.
Just kidding -I've known that part for a while, I didn't take Human Sexuality for no reason. Odd enough, as much as we did cover in that class - not once did the Mirons discuss the science of it. Maybe because it affects everyone differently?
Does it have holes in it?
Or does knowing that were are creatures designed for breeding take away some of the magic?

(RAH)² (AH)³ + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)² + (OOH)(LA)² = Bad Romance.

I had to do it.

So today, listening to Marcus rant [emotional *** Scorpios] on about how out of hand his girlfriend was becoming; I'd manage to plaster a sincere look of interest and assurance on his part, meanwhile I found myself in heavy thought about the subject of love, expectations, and over all attractions another human can play on you. I'm not going to lie, it scared me a little a lot. I thought of the faces that made me smile, the faces that brought pain, the lust I still hold on to for some and the many unrequited attachments I still keep.

I wonder.

I wonder what made me attractive, and why I haven't slept with more than one boy in my life thus far. I wondered why it was so hard for me to get close to some and too close to others.
I have no regrets; only curiosity.
A bad case of the "What if's"
I wanted to take every conversation I had today and twist it, to just challenge the listener to deal with yet another side of me. It's not like I'm insane.
Hmmm..... We'll I'll let these thoughts simmer for now. I know it's not fair to you, but if you really did love me, you'd get over yourself.
'cuz that's what your suppose to do right? After you have yourself in check, after you've worked hard to satisfy your inner self, you must give it away. It's risky, it's *scary* but that's the only way to know if what you have inside of you is worth being inside of someone else - vise versa.
I wonder if I'm making any sense?
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Any who.. I want to invite my dad to come paint with me, sometime this week; seeing as how I'm not going back to CCBC.
Too much free time to a person who doesn't need it if you ask me. Already I'm scribbling down a list of things to do, most of which involve my bed room. Maybe if my entire bed was facing the other way I'd be able to sleep better?
Idk I'm just restless. I fee like talking, sharing parts of me that I felt I couldn't 'cause I had no control. I still don't but it doesn't bother me. Oh right, that's selfish right? I'll chill... don't worry. I'll be drawing back into my shell sooner than you think. I didn't think it would hurt you today.
I didn't think.

Waaa~ay off topic.

Back to paint. I want to paint a bare tree in those boxes. step 1 & I'm sticking with it.

It's late, I have scho(nowhere)ol to attend in the morning.
Oh yeah.....
RE:.......Goodnight. :(

& He slams the door shut.

It's over. My summer is finally over; in my mind at least. 85% of the goals I've set out to due since June have been fully addressed. Yesterday we finally made it to a beach! Rehoboth. The waves were insane, the weather was a wonderful kool-aid mix of hot and breezy, the fruit were sweet and the laughs were real.

&& As a grand finally I plan to write up a summary of my summer list; all my hit, misses and almost. Now I don't know if I'll be posting it on my blog, it depends on how long it is once it's all written out but yeah, reminiscing on the past months seem to be something I'm looking forward too.

Everyone is blogging now, by everyone I mean... the main people in which I've always wanted a little extra light shown on, I was a bit curious about what's going on beneath the surface. It still stings a little reading from a far but at least I have my imagination...?

As of late I've constructed a blue print resume in which will hopefully reel in the big jobs. Working in social security or behind a desk doesn't seem to bad right now, it wouldn't last forever but I could really use a big increase >___> Sometimes I don't know who's in charge up there when I think things like that..... *shakes head*

Locs will be present in my near future :3 I'm kinda sorta excited for them. I quite enjoy two-strand twist though... but not after I take a swim, which I won't be doing anytime soon! It sucks that I feel as though I've violated some of my favorite locations like the pool, wawas, my car, otakon, ledos & panera single handedly, now they all seem to conjure up some unwanted feelings thanks to me.
Guess, this means, I'll just have to discover more places to make memories.
Speaking on Otakon - I'm pretty sure I'll be going to next years Katsucon in February.

Well I'm hungry and nude I think it's about time I tackle these two problems head on. Peace.

Wise Tale

....And a Man sat alone, drenched deep in sadness. And all the animals drew near to him and said, "We do not like to see you so sad. Ask us for whatever you wish and you shall have it."
The Man said, "I want to have good sight." The vulture replied, "You shall have mine."
The Man said, "I want to be strong." The jaguar said, "You shall be strong like me." Then the Man said, "I long to know the secrets of the earth." The serpent replied, "I will show them to you." And so it went with all the animals.
And when the Man had all the gifts that they could give, he left.
Then the owl said to the other animals, "Now the Man knows much, he'll be able to do many things. Suddenly I am afraid."
The deer said, "The Man has all that he needs. Now his sadness will stop."
But the owl replied, "No. I saw a hole in the Man, deep like a hunger he will never fill. It is what makes him sad and what makes him want.
He will go on taking and taking, until one day the World will say, 'I am no more and I have nothing left to give.'"

Very Special

WARNING! (R.A.P)*Random Angry Post

I apologize for my outburst in advance.
I'm so angry right now, I feel like something important just slipped through my fingers.
Again.

• I hate feeling *useless* I'm sorry I couldn't help you that night... this night.
• I hate Kiki
• I hate not working with my *friends*
• I hate jazzmine
  
• I hate Ben
• I hate Pnuts photography
• I hate that I'm so ungrateful
• I hate not being able to see you, any of you when I want
• I hate being loved so much by kage
• I hate my bed
  
• I hate that it kills me to say "I'm sorry"
• I hate ronald
  
• I hate CJ
• I hate the smell of beer
• I hate giving up on a friendship,( i just need my space... the real one not the site)
  
• I hate mcdonalds
• I hate owls
• I hate watermelon
• I hate only finding females attractive
  
• I hate money
• I hate not having money
• I hate my sarcasm, i feel brainwashed
  
• I hate not having a kigurumi
• I hate not being able to speak up
• I hate no longer being on the same page as Lys
• I hate not talking to all my old friends
• I hate driving for more than 15 minutes
  
• I hate haters
• I hate girlfriends/ boy friends
  

*Please Note, I have reason to believe this is just me PMSing... as I do monthly. Don't take any offense... or better yet, let's just talk about it? IDK. This little piggy just needed to get a few things off her simple minded mind. She will continue to smile and cover her tracks because she knows life is what you make it, Right? whatever! goodnight. &heart

Kung Pow Chicken

Two Birds on a wire
One tries to fly away and the other....

So I just downed my third and final bottle of smirnoff. I'm pretty sure, although considered "sprite", I've had enough booze for a life time. The taste was very satisfying and naturally made me more thirsty; but that's in the past now. There no reason to get use to it, I'm not a lightweight, I'm not a heavy weight, I'm not a drinker. Water, fruits and a little extra movement will surely clean out my system in no time.

I love what I've done to my room, although incomplete I can feel it; alive.
Simple and Clean.
I'm resisting the urge to over do it; I can see rainbows, cute furry things, hiragana, pokemon and music notes suffocating my blues & greens all too easily. Its been a great way of just forgetting about everything, I feel calm and steady as I add some disorder to my solid color walls.
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It's sad how much I am capable of *pity*ing myself, and how, when pushed into a corner it's something that I know to admit to to lessen the charges.
I knew it was time to grow up for a while now, I can't spend the rest of my life not trying. I can try of course, but that's just too easy.
I have worked hard to make relationships last, I truly believe I've reached points when my pride was tossed to the side and my heart was the one surfing to the shore with no fear. \
But of course, I fell, nearly drowned and was stuck with sand in my woo-ha.
So now I ask myself, am I ready to fight the good fight? I mean cause I am still here, and this is a pretty big ocean for us crabs.

*Sideways step* Sideways step*

Have you heard of the comic Scott Pilgrim vs. The World? Well neither have I until the movie came out last Friday. An Epid Epic of all Epicness. I can't wait till the DVD comes outs, I never buy stuff like that but wow, that movie was ... Epic [haha. Sorry for the repeated offenses of that word.]
Believe it or not but that's not the only film out there that really has a hook on me, True Blood. The HBO series, I downloaded and completed seasons 1&2. It's not for everyone that's for sure.
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Meanwhile, as the light rain falls, my plans to venture to the beach tomorrow have only been swept back into the sea. Gobbled up like a white dot on pac man. Released back into the wild *with a tracking device*

Hahah ok. So school starts up in less than 2 weeks, and my mom and I are still riding on this loan, I never wanted to resort to this, but apparently had no choice. Scholarships, Grants, Scooby doo where are youuuuu? *cries*

&& with that being said, episode 6 has just successfully downloaded....
FANGS for reading!!!!!!

Taisetsu na minna, yurushite

Man, my shoulders hurt, my spine and my arms are all tired and tense. Stretching and roller coaster vibrations aren't helping.
I need a "make -over", as well as my room. I would like to seriously time this week to further dig into the clutter of my room and restore it back to simple and clean. So many papers I've held on to from my school days, so many magazines, so many bags... Do I just throw them out? I could should use a friends right now, to help me sort through all this as well as pick through my brain. Missing pieces of a puzzle; the answers all lie within.

You ever try to fill up a cup that had a crack in the bottom? No matter how much you pour, you'll never be able to fill it to the rim. It's never enough. & So the next step would be to work on fixing that crack. Do you empty all the contents; work inside out or outside in?

So I have some new ideas as to what I will paint on my walls, I want quotes, animals, anime... all things that reflect me. I will most likely have to draw in on first and slowly purchase the paints as I go. So far I've applied purple, yellow, black on my lime green and teal walls. I think its unique, I have no reference picture this time. I am creating something.

*smile*

On a side note:
I just want to thank you all, for all your worth, for transferring your energy into me. For trusting me with your feelings and thoughts. :)

So Otakon 2010, hmmmm, I had to expect the unexpected, I do every year.
I greatly appreciated the mad love Pokemon received. This year, however, brought on stress, as tears, and fears, and lies, and laughs, old faces, new ones...
The hotel situation was in way, a huge inconvenience. :/ Too many (freeloading) faces in the room that I hadn't planned on seeing ... but hey, being the only room mate that couldn't afford to pay the complete required amount I'm sure I was no position to start kicking people out.
I would like to get more lolita dresses in the future, the two that I have have run their course, I have plenty of pictures to prove it.


There's so much I could right about, but I just don't have the skill to share it all without it sounding like a news report. I'm not a good story teller ....

I want to go to the beach before school starts again, I want that to be the only extra place I go to until then really, I still have not met up with a few people that I said I would, doesn't mean I wont - but if we do now, it will be in the comfort of 7 mile radius hahaha.

uhhhh.. So much left unsaid, maybe Ill add more on later.

smell ya later