*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

So I'm at the library.

My heart hurts.

I just wanna hide under some covers for a few hours. Get up, and restart my day. I'll be taking another walk after dinner tonight. Rain or not.
Believe it or not, Otakon is in 16 days. Wow. I still don't have my stuff. Not to worried about it though.
Distract me.
Bite me. pinch me. call me...
I need a new focus.
Maybe... I should go to the mall or something. Stop sitting and waiting.
MEh.

Speak What you feel today

(Ralph w. Emerson)
So today I pretty much woke up crying. Watched this movie called 'Earthlings' It was about how animals and humans share the same planet and yet for some reason, just because they do not fit the human form they are less than. It also went behind the scenes of everything animals and humans take part in together. Slaughter house, puppy mills, pounds, zoos, circus etc. No thing was spared. I learned a lot and for a brief moment found it disgusting how we can still eat meat.
I don't have the answers to everything.
It's not right. The circle of life is... rough.
I showed sympathy. That was was very human of me.
I want to try harder to reform... me and my families eating habits.

"We reap what we sow"

Work was hell. 7 hours with a total of about 30 customers. I almost fell asleep twice *sigh* I'm going back tonight for the Transformers premiere. Pretty exciting ^_^

• Taking a few steps back. <<<<
  

So I hung out all day yesterday. Went job hunting and ran some errands. That night I took the boys to see Year One.... It was rather dry for my taste. I still love Micheal Cera; Jack Black is what brought his performance down lol. The Circus came over afterwards for a bit. Ended up, driving around the block rather than walking.. wtf.

• Lol Host Club is very funny. English/ Japanse.

The day before that, Sunday was pretty epic also. Work, Shauns Cook out, Dylans house
*****
Jamal was there too. Too much gayness for my eyes. We didn't learn to fly as I had really hoped but we did sit out under the stars.
Yeap, actually stars. Havent seen then in forever. It was peaceful; in a bitter way.
I really didn't want to leave when I did.
Lol theyre planning this huge trip to Massanutten tomorrow. Idk how long they'll be gone. IDGAF.
out of sight out of mind. heheh. I'll be back.

• Current Playlist >>>>>>
  

1. Soul Mate - Natasha bedingfeild
2. Can't take my eyes off of you - Lauren Hill
3. You - Evanescence
4. Waste my time - Jude Harrison
   
5. ???- Angels & Airwaves
   

LvL UP

Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bongs
Running when we hit 'em
Lethal poison through their system
-MIA

Today I did what birds to best. Didn't plan on it, all i know if that I laugh a lot and can get very inarticulate. Didn't plan on seeing who I saw today. Didn't plan a thing. ..Ask me if I regretted it for one moment.

No Regrets

Don't hold back, don't hold nothing back tonight
We'll let it take control, using you tonight....

*
*
Are you nervous?
- The Sleeping

So yesterday my evil plot failed horrible.

step 1. make the phone call. short & to the point
step 2. arrive later than planed in hopes for a no show.

step 3. upon arrival request hoodie and leave

step 4. squeeze in a low blow remark upon exit.
step 5. never see his stupid face again.

===================

It failed from the moment I pulled up into the drive way. failed the instant mother dearest welcomed me in. crashed and burned when I saw him again. ...

Skipping all the theatrics and long joy ride scence, I don't regret that time I spent with him. I feel like I had better control. Control; the thing i feared I would lose the quickest the closer i got.

I really missed your bites and hits, our hands intertwined, your scent....

&& then.
I felt all types of angry. I know I let out a very bitter laugh at one point. Curses and insults sat on the tip of my tongue that whole night but I knew.
I knew..
If there is one thing I truly know about myself is that bringing pain to someone else, purposefully; weather it be deserved or simply provoked; Serves me no purpose.

It would not make me feel any better.

So I did what I do best forgave but did not forget. The discomfort you left in my heart. Your melancholy words meant little to me, far less than those unselfish kisses.

• O' FUCK

Loose control

Friday I was sick. Lol, like really sick, worse night of my life. Saturday too. (x_x)
Usagi chan came over to chill with me, that was a nice little surprise. We watched a pokemon marathon and ate mangoes. ... I couldn't taste or smell a thing! D:
I had to call out of work. Blah.
*
*
*
OK, so this year I'm super determined to have like, thee best time at otakon.
I'm was really being cheered on to cosplay so I finally decided to go as Soul from Soul eater. but with a twist of course. Today I'm buying the outfit, wig and pre regerstering for Otakon. Phew. Lol if it wasn't for all the $$ I got at my grad cookout this, would look like a bad mistake.

My grad cookout was yesterday. I had a huge turnout. Pretty much no one from school showed up.
but like all these old ppl; err friends of the family came. Besides some minor set backs, I had fun and I hope everyone else did too.

Jojo. wtf.

UUUh, so. So me and dude. It's not going to happen. haha this is so funny, it's like I'm playing tennis with myself and of course loosing everytime I score a point.
I hate this. I hate this.

I'm better off alone anyway. -Avril Lavigne

Blaaaah I don't want to end on a bad note.Um. so todays plans are like this :

lmfao. jk. bbl

high way of hell

eff.you.cee.kay
Today was an adventure to say the least. Took Jasmine & Dean +1 up to Columbia.
Funny stuff. I had $0.00 on me and still managed to resist going to the atm.
I have even bigger plans! Concerts, beach, otakon, dates, lol I shouldn't make so many unplanned trips to the mall.
Long story short we got extremely lost and almost crashed like three times on our way home from Columbia. Everyone in the car was so useless! Lol I was so carrying the weight of the team on my shoulders. But in the end a video blog saved our lives. ...Phew
I've been trying to get in contact with my mom, everyone is trying to go to Ocean City tomorrow. I'm like %75 sure I wanna go.

Bout to make a Disney CD for the car.
**I really wonder how my life would've gone if I'd went to Carver Center instead///
Blah what a short entry. BBL//

Sunday Morning, Sun rays falling...

Calm Down. Deep Breathes .

Yesterday was coolies.
After driving with my mom all the way to east point mall to drop off my brother at a birthday party * gasp for air* (run on sentence) I went to the movies with DAndre my co worker lol. We saw the Hangover, that was pretty funny. Not Superbad funny, but up there in the "wtf" plots.
After that I went straight to Claires house. Technically I was the first "class mate" there. omg. so much food! I really wanted to taste like, everything. So many philapine people too. Haha, someone had a super cute baby. About an hour later hella familiar faces started to pour in. It was sorta kinda crowded in that little room, but by the time Rock band was brought in I was off in my own little world. I'm not great at any thing but I will play bass guitar sing and drums in a heart beat. :) Maybe I should buy it?[ Pfft, o ya, I dont have any systems xcept for PS2]

Bummer

I had a nice time there, taste testing and laughing late at the random jokes. Steph and her family came last I think, we were all playing outside. Sardines??? Yeap got two misquito bites and called it a day.
Lol of course I didn't go straight home. I went back to my job.
someone had a hot date with her new crush. We saw Drag me to Hell.
wtf.
wtf ! that movie made my jaw drop more than once. IT WAS SO DAMN BAD!!
I mean, of course I jumped like a panzy the whole time but the over dramatic effects where horrible <-- with a spanish accent. Spoiler ** She really did go to hell, && she deserved to. lmao. There was a full moon last night. I'm sure it'll be back again tonight.

cancer x cancer =Love

To whom it may concern

I like how you don't ever blog about me.
I like how you act like we didn't know each other for like ever
I like how we dated for ...i don't even remember how long
I like how you never stuck to drawing
I like how all your real friends run/ ran track
I like how you went after Illustrator when I became beastly at photoshop
I like how your still (ok) at photshop too...
I like how your dog was way uglier than mines
I like how your mom called me daughter in law for so long
I like how you went to the cookout w/o me even though you told me about it the night before
I like how.... were not going to the same school next year
I hate how we cant sing all loud down hallways anymore
I hate how I thought about you all day
I hate how much I think I'm going to miss seeing you, every other day
Your a jerk.I'm a chicken && I love you

SOUL circus

Before I begin, I want to simply point out that fact that I think my dog is dying.
Today was ... adventurous.

• Besides making a fool of myself so early in the morning*.....
• I went to the library to simply read samples of what ever looked good
• I got to play Pokemon Stadium mini games for hours at Peanuts.
• Cleaned out my moms car
  
• I brought the best pajamas pants and shorts ever from Old Navy
• Went to the Universal Soul circus for free w/ my bro & Dean
  
• Listened to Jojo sing for me
  
• LMAO

and here I am now @ 11:27 :]
I'm not sleepy I want to talk. Maybe call Jamal... but he's a hard working dude. I'll just have to wait for his Summer to begin (on Tuesday.)

_____
Oh yea, yesterday I graduated.
Boo Ya.