No Regrets

Don't hold back, don't hold nothing back tonight
We'll let it take control, using you tonight....

*
*
Are you nervous?
- The Sleeping

So yesterday my evil plot failed horrible.

step 1. make the phone call. short & to the point
step 2. arrive later than planed in hopes for a no show.

step 3. upon arrival request hoodie and leave

step 4. squeeze in a low blow remark upon exit.
step 5. never see his stupid face again.

===================

It failed from the moment I pulled up into the drive way. failed the instant mother dearest welcomed me in. crashed and burned when I saw him again. ...

Skipping all the theatrics and long joy ride scence, I don't regret that time I spent with him. I feel like I had better control. Control; the thing i feared I would lose the quickest the closer i got.

I really missed your bites and hits, our hands intertwined, your scent....

&& then.
I felt all types of angry. I know I let out a very bitter laugh at one point. Curses and insults sat on the tip of my tongue that whole night but I knew.
I knew..
If there is one thing I truly know about myself is that bringing pain to someone else, purposefully; weather it be deserved or simply provoked; Serves me no purpose.

It would not make me feel any better.

So I did what I do best forgave but did not forget. The discomfort you left in my heart. Your melancholy words meant little to me, far less than those unselfish kisses.

• O' FUCK